would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
