she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
