Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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