based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
