i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
