I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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