He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you told grandpa to call you daddy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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