We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
