trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
