We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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