Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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