my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
