So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
