when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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