someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
