toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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