I will die if light touches me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
