I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
