My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
