Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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