I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
