Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
