I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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