Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
FUCK WHALES
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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