dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
