My underwear smells like fireworks.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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