the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
