Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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