im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
