At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize