last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
