Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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