I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
