Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
