1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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