I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
