a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
