uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just googled if crying burns calories
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
