dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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