I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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