I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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