Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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