So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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