we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
