My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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