Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
