I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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