So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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