I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's never too late to be topless.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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