I showed him my bush... on skype.
he thought i was a dude.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
