its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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