does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
