Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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