Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
