I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
