He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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