god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
