bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
