I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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