It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
