i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
