Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
