Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
