wrigley field is MILF paradise
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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