I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
