After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
