It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
