Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
