How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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