Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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