I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
