did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
