BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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