I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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