So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
