Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
