If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
